Why I’m SO OVER the Birmingham German Market…

For about five minutes each year I get excited about the impending festivities of Birmingham’s famed Frankfurt Christmas market.  The little wooden huts.  The scent of mulled wine and sizzling sausages.  Cute carved woodwork and ornaments.  The singing moose.  And then I remember.  What the Frankfurt Christmas Market actually means is pushing, shoving and being elbowed in every crevice.  A three-deep queue to purchase overpriced, overwatered and overgassy beer.  The same old cute carved woodwork and ornaments as last year.  The singing moose.

Christmas Market 3

Christmas Market 2

Christmas Market 5

“Meet me under the moose” becomes the closing statement of every text trying to organise a meeting place.  By 8pm, every market-goer is trying to locate their fellow market-goer under that blasted moose.  You finally spot a friend, clutching a large tankard of that £4.50 beer, trying to save a precious table space (which usually ends up being next to a bin).  You are jostled and elbowed and poked on your way to the bar, and jostled and elbowed and poked on the way back from the bar.  You end up wearing more of your £4.50 beer than drinking it.  And woe betide if you try to carry more than one. Someone loses their glass token, and decides that rather than lose their £3 deposit they may as well keep the glass.  They will then spend the entire night trying to shove said glass into someone else’s pocket or handbag when they get tired of holding it.  A group of men will mistake the German Christmas Market for an actual German Christmas Market and start singing “oom pah pah” and waving their glasses around in the air.  Another group of men will mistake the side of one of the stalls for a Portaloo, and the smell of urine will meld with the scent of cinnamon, Nutella crepes and Baileys Hot Chocolates. 

What the market means to me is the good nights I’ve had there with friends, popping in for a quick drink after work on a Friday that lasts until closing time.  But more often than not, the night is spent huddled together, trying to keep warm, dry and pretend we’re having fun, before someone breaks and suggests we head off to the Wellington before we all freeze to death (it’s ALWAYS the Wellington…).  And every year, we say, “Nope, we won’t bother this year”.  And yet every year the lure of the overpriced beer and dodgy bratwurst draws us in…

Christmas Market 1

All photos from birminghammail.co.uk and bbc.co.uk


14 Replies to “Why I’m SO OVER the Birmingham German Market…”

  1. It effectively makes the city centre a no go area for he time it’s here, at least for those wishing to keep their sanity. I have to do targeted forays if I need anything, where I have to plan my journey using the back streets as much as possible.

    I know people who have businesses on the route of the market and they’ve told me they lose a lot of money when it’s on….tourists don’t stop, and the locals avoid coming in. I made a point to go in in January each year to show some support!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Enjoyed this. Glasgow has a Christmas Market too and I always think it’s a good idea until I get there….and it’s cold. And raining and full of stuff I neither want or need. Jeez I am starting to sound like Ol’ Scrooge! Jill

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You know you’ll end up there in the end…

    I’m not even a fan of beer and I still find myself in those kind of places. I do really like the sausages though. Mmm overpriced sausages!

    Liked by 1 person

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