We made it to Week 3. A week when Mr Fletche and I should have been heading off to Japan for our long-anticipated trip. A week when we finally said goodbye to the longest March in history. And hello to what will probably be the longest April in history. A week when people still needed to be told to stay home. And a week when Tiger King’s Joe Exotic came into our lives. Welcome to Dear Diary Part 3 – Week 3 of Social Distancing and Week 2 of Lockdown.
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Well, anxiety’s a funny thing isn’t it? On the day we were meant to be flying to Japan, I spent ten minutes staring at a potato as if I’d never seen one before. I had an existential crisis. Over a potato. Eventually I managed to get a grip and work out that the potato was just a potato and not the meaning of life. And then I burnt the chips, which had been the offspring of that potato. Should have stuck with salad.
Even the most emotionally stable of us are allowed a mental health wobble at this time. Particularly over a root vegetable.
It’s finally sunk in that I have married a man who insists on sitting down and watching Bargain Hunt with his lunch. I am now carefully coordinating my own lunch around this so there is no clash.
Most importantly, have you seen this story about goats in Llandudno? What next? Llamas in Leamington? Miniature ponies in Milton Keynes? Where will this farmyard animal takeover end? George Orwell, you got it all so right…
I think I just got a group of goats in Llandudno arrested.
Let me explain… first, I saw this from inside a dark pub (the one I live in currently). I thought I was seeing things. So I took some video: pic.twitter.com/RtxYG6htLC
— Andrew Stuart (@AndrewStuart) March 27, 2020
EDITED: What’s next is apparently sheep on a roundabout.
Sheep take over a playground during self isolation lockdown… pic.twitter.com/la1H28t6LL
— Canines tho 🤔 (@ShortnBluntTho) April 3, 2020
Used my government-approved exercise hour to walk to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription. Arrived at 4:25pm. Closes at 4pm. Am fated to never receive this prescribed Vitamin D. Just going to wait til the summer.
Started watching Tiger King on Netflix. Just…wow. It’s appalling, but also riveting. I’m not sure who’s more unlikable; Joe Exotic, Doc Antle or Carole Baskin. Although Carole has a great cat print wardrobe.
First Zoom video call with my team. Wow, that camera is unforgiving. Apparently my self-isolation scraped back hairstyle gives me a big forehead and moon face. And I have resting bitch face. And a puffy mouth. I’m going to be borrowing Mr Fletche’s fancy dress surgeons gown and mask next time. But it was lovely to see my teammates faces. They apparently don’t suffer from moon face. Or they all have some wonderful filter that they haven’t shared with me.
I get a double dose of the outside world today. A trip to the supermarket AND my government prescribed exercise hour. I grab my trolley and queue. It’s a bit like Alton Towers. I half expect there to be a sign saying “30 minute queue to the most exciting ride of your life”. And indeed, I get a rush of exhilaration when I’m finally allowed through the barrier. I pick up the essentials. Chocolate digestives. Beer. Posh cheeses. When Mr Fletche goes shopping he comes back with fruit, veg and salad. I come back with mini eggs and two types of biscuit.
I also finally get hold of my prescription and knock back my first ampoule of Vitamin D. Let the sunshine in. The leaflet advises me against taking this if I’m going to be “exposed to sunshine”. As if I’m going to overdose on summer.
First family Zoom session. Ma and Pa Lee log on fine, I’m the one with technical issues. Pa Lee even takes me on a tour of his newly painted kitchen. I forgive him for the comments about my hair. It’s newly straightened and fuzzy but at least I have a fringe and I don’t look like Crystal Tipps or Moon Face any more. Although the similarity with Cousin It is now astounding.
I spend the workday arranging Monkey into “fun” positions and WhatsApping them to my office mates. I may be going a little stir crazy.
When did WhatsApping become a verb? And Zooming is now a verb too… “I’ll Zoom you later”. We’ll come out of this situation with a whole new dictionary. Let’s face it, who knew what “furlough” meant before the last couple of weeks? I thought it was something farmers did to their fields.
4pm (4:30pm if my boss reads this) and my Out of Office is on! Now what shall I do with these annual leave days? Costa del Conservatory? Playa del Porch? Kayak in the kitchen?
I spend the morning YouTubing Japan cherry blossom videos and snow monkey live streams. Torturing myself with an alternate reality. Still, at least the sun is out, and we have our first al fresco lunch. This is when we are eternally grateful that our move to a house with a garden all went through smoothly, and we’re not still stuck in our claustrophobic greenhouse of an apartment.
Everyone on Instagram seems to be making banana bread. This is my go-to dish but I buck the trend, ignoring my rapidly softening bananas, and make mini egg cookies instead. Not understanding how the mixture can possibly make eight, I make four instead. Which turn out to be four giant cookies. Quite possibly the spoonfuls of raw cookie dough mixture that I “tested” may have made another couple of cookies.
It’s Mr Fletche’s birthday!! Thankfully my unusually-organised-January-self purchased various greetings cards for events up until the end of April so I’m not faced with having to knock up a DIY version. And I bought him a natty smart jacket as a pressie. Which will look lovely with his current array of loungewear. Ma and Pa Lee bought him a light-up dinosaur. Which was described on the website as a child’s nightlight. But currently looks great on our fireplace.
We take advantage of the sunny spring afternoon and head out on a four mile round trip. Having countryside on our doorstep certainly makes getting outside a little easier. Coleshill people seem largely good at social distancing.
The local chinese takeaways have all shut up shop, so with a hankering for prawn crackers we order from Chung Ying in Brum. There’s a hefty delivery fee, but they are offering a 25% discount on food orders at the moment to offset the cost. It’s Mr Fletche’s birthday after all.
Tiger King (Netflix), Better Call Saul (Netflix – current season), Brooklyn Nine-Nine (Netflix – current seasonn), The Walking Dead (Fox – current season), Westworld (Now TV – current season), Grey’s Anatomy (Now TV – current season), Outlander (Amazon Prime – Season 3), Peaky Blinders (Netflix – Season 2), Veep (Now TV – Season 1), The OC (Netflix – Season 1)
Marriage Story on Netflix
And as this week started with a potato, let it end with a potato. A baked potato.