How To Create That Theatre Vibe In Your Own Home!

It’s been 12 months since our theatres went dark. The last show I saw live was The Book of Mormon, at the Birmingham Hippodrome on 13th March 2020. On Monday 16th March, just as we were on our way to the Everybody’s Talking About Jamie press night at the Alex, we got the message that all venues were to close with immediate effect. Our hearts went out to everyone involved, suddenly uncertain about their future. Not just the performers and crew, but the theatre staff, especially at the Alex who we had come to know and regard as friends.

The theatre bug hasn’t gone away. I’ve immersed myself in on-line offerings from National Theatre and the “The Shows Must Go On” channel on YouTube. My Spotify playlist of musical soundtracks is ever-growing. We’ve purchased online viewings of The Nutcracker, Rent, and most recently, The Color Purple. I watch Hamilton at least once a month on Disney Plus, more than justifying the monthly subscription fee. There are movies that came from musicals. And musicals that came from movies. There’s even the film version of Cats if you’re desperate.

“But it’s not the same!” I hear you cry. And you would be right. Nothing can compare to the anticipation of finally getting to see a show you’re excited about. The pre-performance drinks. Meeting up with friends in the theatre bar. The collective gasps, laughs or sobs. Half-time dissection and analysis. Feet that want to get up and dance in the aisle. The triumphant surge of a standing ovation. Thronging from the auditorium, chattering over one another as you recollect the best bits. The most memorable songs echoing in your ears way after you’ve left the theatre.

So although it may be a diminished experience, here are A Brummie Home and Abroad’s suggestions on how to create that theatre vibe in your own living room.

Make sure you get plenty of snacks in.

Those gigantic bags of Minstrels or Smarties are perfect. Or wine gums if you don’t mind giving your jaws a workout. Or Revels if you like the element of surprise. Whatever you do, don’t have an open packet on your lap when you jump up for the standing ovation at the end. You’ll be picking sweeties up from under the sofa for days.

For the true authentic theatre experience, have someone sit behind you to regularly rustle a sweetie packet in your ear. Or chow down on crisps – strictly forbidden in any theatre auditorium. Even if it is your living room.

And don’t forget the drinks too

Make sure you decant your beverage of choice into a plastic glass beforehand. Spend the minutes before the curtain goes up working out whether to hold your drink and therefore only be able to clap with one hand, or to place it on the floor and risk kicking it over. It’s your carpet. Choose wisely.

Also, to beat that rush at the ‘bar’ make sure you order your interval drinks beforehand. To speed things up I keep an open bottle of wine ready at all times.

The best view in the house

I’ve had some great theatre seats. Not least the front show seats at Hairspray in London for my hen night. I’ve had some terrible seats, seats where I can only see half of the stage. And nosebleed seats, where the shin-height seat in front is the only barrier to prevent you from hurtling downwards from a great height. So make sure you test out all the seats in your living room, placed at all angles.

For true authenticity, sit someone in front of you who will move their head from left to right with alarming frequency. Some sort of long cardboard tube is also great to recreate that moment when you’re smug about having front row circle seats then realise that the handrail is right in your sightline unless you perch uncomfortably on the edge of your seat.

Whilst we’re talking about seats, make sure you place a solid object about six inches in front of your legs. This will make sure you don’t get too used to the freedom to be able to stretch your legs out at leisure. You shouldn’t be able to cross one leg over the other without getting friction burns on your kneecaps.

The Obligatory Programme Selfie

Nothing screams “I’m at the theatre” more than checking in online and posting the obligatory programme shot. You know the one, a perfectly manicured thumbnail holding the show programme with the stage as a backdrop. My phone is full of them. You can still do this at home. Use whatever’s lying around. A Radio Times (Christmas edition of course because no-one buys it any other time of the year). The Argos Catalogue. The local newspaper (front page scoop: Terry’s Cat Gets Stuck Up A Tree). A half-completed Sudoku.

Make sure you accompany your pic with a suitably cheesy caption. “I’m not throwing away my shot to see #Hamilton!” “Tonight I’m Defying Gravity at #Wicked!” “I’ve waited 525,600 minutes to see #Rent!”. Once you’ve posted your pic them remember to…

The Walk of Shame

There’s absolutely no excuse for you to be late for a show in your home. But if you do want to reproduce that “am I going to make curtain up?” adrenaline then turn off all the lights, crank up the volume and then repeatedly stick your head through the door and whisper loudly “has it started yet?” If you can’t employ an usher to show you to your seat, at least make sure you tip-toe in an exaggerated fashion, shining your mobile phone torch in the eyes of everyone in the room as you look for your “seat number”. Choose a chair which someone else has made themselves comfortable in, and loudly hiss “I think you’re in my seat”. Make everyone pick up their belongings and shuffle one seat along.

Comfort Breaks

Going to the toilet during the interval is a rookie error. Particularly when the interval is prime ice-cream/bar/Act 1 discussion time. Save your precious 15 minutes and do the loo dash about five minutes before the end of the first act. Time it right, so that you go during that talky bit before the big musical number. Make sure you inconvenience as many of your fellow viewers as possible as you go. As an extra fun game, I balance on the loo and hold the unlocked door with the tips of my fingers.

If you must go during the interval, wait until the very last minute. There’s nothing like hearing an orchestra strike up when your knickers are round your ankles and there’s no loo roll to hand.

Bravo! Bravo!

Just because you’re at home doesn’t mean that you can’t indulge in a little audience participation. A polite clap. Whooping. Dancing in the aisles. A standing ovation. The performers may not be able to see or hear you, but your neighbours will absolutely you appreciate you belting out your favourite final number. (“Raise You Up/Just Be” from Kinky Boots is a great closing song isn’t it? As is “You Can’t Stop The Beat” from Hairspray. And “Finale” from Come From Away). In fact, get someone to present you with a bouquet of flowers and pretend it’s opening night and you are the star performer.